Consent happens when all people involved in any kind of sexual activity agree to take part by ๐ฐ๐ต๐ผ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ. They also need to have ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ผ๐บ and the ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ถ๐๐ to make that choice.
๐๐ ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐๐จ๐๐ฌ๐งโ๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ฅ ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐จ๐ ๐๐ง๐ฒ ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ง ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ฅ๐ฐ๐๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ฅ ๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐๐. ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐๐% ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ฅ๐๐ฆ๐ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ฉ๐๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ญ๐จ๐ซ ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ฉ๐๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ญ๐จ๐ซ๐ฌ.
We all have the right to not want sex or any other kind of sexual activity โ such as, kissing, sexual touching or performing a sexual act.
We also all have the right to change our minds at any time. Or to consent to doing one sexual thing with someone but not another.
Without consent, any kind of sexual activity is sexual violence.
Many of the myths surrounding consent and sexual violence can make victims and survivors feel as though they are somehow to blame. It can also make them feel that what happened to them wasnโt โrealโ sexual violence. BUT, it doesnโt matter if someone doesn’t have visible injuries or if they didn’t scream, try to run away or fight. It also doesn’t matter what they were wearing or what interaction happened beforehand. Or if they experienced feelings of arousal. Or if they knew the perpetrator.
If a person doesnโt consent to sexual activity of any kind then it is always sexual violence. And 100% of the blame lies with the perpetrator or perpetrators.
With all the myths surrounding sexual violence, however, working out what consent looks like in real life can sometimes feel confusing.
So, letโs break it down a bitโฆ
What does consent mean?
The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says that someone consents to sexual activity if they:
โข Agree by choice and have both the freedom and capacity to make that choice.
โข If someone says โnoโ to any kind of sexual activity, they are not agreeing to it. But, if someone doesn’t say โnoโ out loud, that doesnโt automatically mean that they have agreed to it either.
โข If someone seems unsure, stays quiet, moves away or doesnโt respond, they are not agreeing to sexual activity. In fact, itโs really common for people who have experienced sexual violence to find they are unable to move or speak.
Someone doesnโt have the freedom and capacity to agree to sexual activity by choice if:
โข They are asleep or unconscious.
โข They are drunk or โonโ drugs.
โข They have been โspikedโ.
โข They are too young.
โข They have a mental health disorder or illness that means they are unable to make a choice.
โข They are being pressured, manipulated, tricked or scared into saying ‘yesโ.
โข The other person is using physical force against them.
If someone’s not sure whether you are giving your consent for something sexual, they should check with you. If they can see or suspect you’re not 100% comfortable or happy with what’s happening between you, they should stop.
What consent looks like
Here are some examples of what consent does and doesnโt look like in practice.
Consent looks like:
โข Enthusiastically saying โyes!โ.
โข Talking to the other person about what you do and don’t want, and listening to them in return.
โข Checking in with the other person โ for example, asking โis this okay?โ, โdo you want to slow down?โ or โdo you want to stop?โ.
โข Respecting someoneโs choice if they say โnoโ. And never trying to change their mind or put pressure on them.
Consent does not look like:
โข Feeling like you have to agree to sex or other sexual activity because youโre worried about the other personโs reaction if you say โnoโ.
โข Someone having sex with you or touching you in a sexual manner when youโre asleep or unconscious.
โข Someone continuing with sexual activity despite your non-verbal cues that you donโt want it to continue or youโre not sure โ for example, if you pull away, freeze or seem uncomfortable.
โข Someone assuming that you want to have sex or take part in other sexual activity because of your actions or what youโre wearing โ for example, flirting, accepting a drink, wearing a short skirt.
โข Someone assuming that you want to have sex or take part in other sexual activity with them because youโve had sex or taken part in other sexual activity with them before.
โข Someone assuming that you want to take part in one type of sexual activity because you wanted to take part in another.
โข Someone removing a condom during sex after you only agreed to have sex with one (what is known as ‘stealthing’).
Please know, however, that these are just a few examples of what consent doesnโt look like.
If you didnโt want something to happen then you didnโt give your consent. You also didnโt give your consent if you werenโt capable of deciding whether or not you wanted it โ for example, if you were a child or if you were drunk. And if there was no consent then it was sexual violence.
If you think you might have been raped or sexually abused, or experienced another form of sexual violence, you can talk to us. We will listen and believe you, and you can take the conversation at your own pace.
Age of consent
The age of consent in England and Wales is 16. This is the age when young people can legally can take part in sexual activity.
This is the same for everyone, whatever their sex or gender.
The law is there to protect children and young people. It is not used to prosecute under-16s who take part in consensual sexual activity with each other.
For example, if two 15 year-olds have consensual sex, they would not be prosecuted. But, if an adult aged 18 or over has sex with someone aged 15 or under, it is a crime.
The law also says that anyone under the age of 13 can never consent to sexual activity under any circumstances โ even if it is with someone close to them in age. This means that taking part in any type of sexual activity with someone aged 12 or under is always a crime.
Although the age of consent is 16, the law has some extra protections in place for young people aged 16 and 17.
For example, it is illegal to:
โข Take a photo or video of someone aged 18 or under engaging in sexual activity.
โข Pay for sexual services from someone under 18.
โข Take part in sexual activity with someone under 18 if you are in a position of trust โ for example, if you are their teacher, social worker, doctor or care worker.
โข Take part in sexual activity with someone under 18 if they are a member of your family.
Getting help and support
Everyone responds differently to sexual violence and abuse โ so whatever someone feels is a valid response. But for lots of people, it can have a long-lasting impact on their feelings and wellbeing.
If you have experienced any form of sexual violence or abuse โ whether it was recently or a long time ago โ Be Free is here for you. We will listen to you and believe you.